2 A very worthy cause!

Please read the following message from a dear friend of mine (also one of our bridesmaids!)... In a couple of weeks she is going to Thailand and needs to raise a further £800 before then.

As many of you know I am going to Thailand in 2 weeks for 6 weeks on a project organised by SERVE.

The project primarily involves teaching in a women's centre in Pattaya, S. Thailand.....this will be teaching women various trades and how to communicate in English with tourists to ensure successful employment etc... this ability to sell craft provides the women with an alternative to selling themselves!! In Thailand the main spirituality is Buddhism, hence a lot of the men are training as monks and so the job of providing an income falls on the women. As 95% of them are illiterate they are forced into prostitution in order to make ends meet.... SERVE strives to provide them with an alternative and helps them help themselves do so.

Other projects that I will be working on in Thailand include working at an AIDS orphanage and in an AIDS colony. Many people in Thailand are ignorant to AIDS and hence children are abandoned when they are born with it and nobody wants to work in the orphanage for "fear of contracting AIDS by contact"... hence most of the relief, maintenance etc of the orphanage is funded by SERVE projects.

The second part to this project, which I will be assisting on, is building relations between a community in North Thailand in which people within the community with AIDS have been alienated and segregated into a colony. This is a long term project reintegrating everyone into one society, educating the community and developing essential skills within the community.

Evidently, these projects require finance. There are 14 on my team and we have shared out the costs of the projects. I have been fundraising over the last few months, though I alone still require at least £800. I would really appreciate any sponsorship/ donations as raising £800 in two weeks is quite a task as you can probably guess. Obviously raising more than this would also mean providing more relief... though lets walk before we can run eh....

Anyway there is no pressure or obligation but I would be so grateful if you could help out.

If anyone is interested in sponsoring her, please let me know and I will forward on her details! Alternatively, you can donate via PayPal using the button below (no PayPal account is needed). Regardless, please keep her and her team's efforts in your prayers.

1 CV/Resume Blunders...

As I'm job hunting at the minute, I've been visiting several websites with information on CV's and interviews. On my travels, I came across this list of CV blunders that I thought I'd share! I never put any of these on my CV so hopefully I'll have better luck at finding employment than I imagine some of these people had...

• I am very detail-oreinted.
• My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
• Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
• Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
• It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
• Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
• I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
• If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
• My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.
• I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
• Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
• Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
• Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
  Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
• Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
• Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
• Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
• Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
• I am a rabid typist.
• I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
• Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
• Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
• I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
• Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
• Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
• Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
  Special skills: Thyping.
• My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
• I can play well with others.
• Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
• Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
• Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.
• Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
• Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
• I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.
• Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
• I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
• Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
• While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
• My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
• Hire me and you won’t regret it-I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.
• Referees available upon request.
• Previous rank: Senior instigator.
• I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
• Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
• Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
• Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
• Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
• Strengths: Impersonal skills.
• Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
• Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
• Vocational plans: Sea World.

0 Kathleen, RIP

Please pray for the repose of the soul of Kathleen, whose 2nd anniversary is today. :-(



(I still love this photo best of all!)

6 And the winner is...

Éamonn!!!!

He predicted I would hit 1000 visitors sometime between 10am and midnight on 30th April... Which was only about 34 hours out (give or take)...

Not only did he guess the closest, but he also was my 1000th visitor! ("Fix!!", I hear you cry!) I guess I'll have to marry him then... (SHMILY...) :-D


However, another special mention must go to Therese, who came second in this wonderful competition... ;-)

2 Tagged!

I’ve been tagged by Carole over at A Light to the Nations...
So here goes…

1. The rules of the game get posted on the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about himself.
3. At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read their blog.

What I was doing ten years ago:
Studying/cramming for my A-levels!

Five things on my To-Do list today:
1. Leave my car in to be serviced
2. Talk to my wonderful fiancé on Skype
3. Follow up on a couple of emails
4. Go to the post office
5. Shorten my to-do list

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Pay off my debts
2. Give money to charities such as Marie Curie
3. Buy a house & car (nothing too fancy!)
4. Put some aside for family for the future
5. Probably crack up!

Three of my bad habits/qualities:
1. I’m not exactly the tidiest person in the world…
2. I tend to give in to self-pity too much
3. I tend to pick holes in things… Like, why does this question only require three answers instead of five?!

Five places I’ve lived:
1. Downpatrick
2. Dublin
3. West Belfast!
4. South Belfast!
5. East Belfast!

Five jobs I’ve had:
1. Software QA Engineer
2. Assistant Network Administrator
3. Data Entry person
4. Crew member/“lobby hostess” at McDonalds (urgh!)
5. Waitress

Five books I’ve recently read:
1. Jodi Picoult – Change of Heart (just started it)
2. The Princess Bride (just started it)
3. Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire (yes I really am reading 3 books simultaneously!)
4. Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light
5. Get Thee to a Punnery!

Five people or communities I’m going to tag:
Éamonn at Peregrinus Hibernensis (my lovely love!)
Therese at the Aussie Coffee Shop
Joakim at Catholic Ponderer
Dana at Lilder's blog
The Mom at Shoved to Them

1 Copying my dear fiancé...

... and posting some silly nonsense!!!

$5575.00

58% Geek

5 Not long now...

... until I reach 1,000 visitors to my blog! :-)

I just logged into Sitemeter and noticed I've had 926 visitors since I added it to my site about 8 months ago.

Soooo.... does anyone feel like a little competition? Predict when I will reach the 1,000 mark and the person with the closest guess will win a very special mention on my blog. Wow, what an incentive, eh?! ;-)

1 Statistical Information For The Easily Amused

What can I say...?! I'm easily amused!!! ;-)

3 Especially for Éamonn....

... my lovely spell-checking fiancé! ;-)

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin not sea

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar Wright
It shows me strait a weigh

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
It rare lea ever wrong

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My Chequer toed me sew

1 The REAL Da Vinci Code...

namespace DVC
{
   class DaVinciCode : HolyBloodHolyGrail
   {
      // Set values, later to be overridden by Dan Brown method
      bool monksInOpusDei = false;
      bool jesusMarriedMaryMagdalene = false;
      bool existenceOfPrioryOfZion = false;
      bool bibleCollatedByConstantine = false;
      bool nicaeaCreatedDivinityOfChrist = false;
      bool gospelsLaterEditedToSupportClaims = false;

      bool cupMissingFromLastSupper = false;
      bool saintJohnNotInPicture = false;

      public void Book()
      {
         while (peopleWillingToBelieveAnything && christianBashingAcceptable)
         {
            bookSales++;
            movieHype++;
            danBrownsBankAccount++;
            historicalAccuracy--;
            artHistoryAccuracy--;
            skepticism--;
            badWriting++;

            if (asLongAsItIsNotTheVirginMary)
               divineFeminineSupport++;

            mainStreamMediaChallengeCredibility = false;
            string excuse = "It's a fictional book";
               string action = "Spend hours writing to debunking books complaining that " + excuse;
               bool seeContradictionSpendingTimeDefendingFiction = false;
               foreach (media outlet in mainStreamMedia)
               {
                  bool freePublicity = true;
                  bool notPointOutObviousFlaws = true;
                  bool dontOffendMuslimsAtAllCosts = true;
                  bool christianBashingOkayThough = true;
                  bool misrepresentOpusDei = true;
                  bool askIsJusticeScaliaAMember = true;
               }
            }
         }
      }
}

3 The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room look at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

1 10 best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

and the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."

1 Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine...

... et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Requiescant in pace. Amen.

I was very shocked and saddened to hear of the death of Professor Thomas A. F. Kelly. Please pray for the happy repose of his soul and also for his wife, mother, friends and family, for comfort in this time of grief.

4 Miserere Mei, Deus...

I spotted this posted on a couple of other blogs this morning, and, as our Lenten journey begins this year, I thought it only fitting that I should post it here also.





Here is Wikipedia's entry on the background of Allegri's Miserere (Psalm 51), along with the text and translation.

I absolutely love this. I first heard it on an album I had on my iPod that I took to listening to at 3 in the morning when our neighbours were having parties and playing really rubbish music and, just in general, keeping me awake when I had to go to work the next morning... I found that by the end of the first track or two, I was able to go back to sleep... It was like falling asleep surrounded by angels. :-) I've loved it even more since hearing the Lassus Scholars when in Dublin last year for the Solemn Liturgy of Good Friday -- something I hope to repeat this year, of course.

Anyway. I hope you all have a very blessed Lent. In the words of the Psalm... "Cor mundum crea in me, Deus: et spiritum rectum innova in visceribus meis."

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."

2 I posted this last year...

But hey! It's good!!! ;-)

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons.

"My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we obviously decided to call him George."

"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."

"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman.
"Exactly the same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

4 In 9 months...

Nine months from today (plus about an hour) will be 30th October -- the day that I get married to the love of my life. He himself reckons I'm mad, but, at the risk of repeating myself, it is by far the most sane decision I've ever made! So there you go!

So, we're getting married. And, as Éamonn would say, I read it on the internet so it must be true!!

For anyone who is interested in knowing the wheres and whens of the big day, we have a wedding website where we are planning on putting all that kind of info...

And for pretty TLM related wedding pics (from, well, not our wedding, obviously!), you can look here!

(Ok now... back to work for me...)

0 A little fundraising appeal...

... from my friend Matt!

He's leading a sponsored 50 mile walk with a group of 12 young people to raise money to attend World Youth Day in Sydney this July. Here is the site where you can sponsor him: www.justgiving.com/mattvand... He's got a way to go yet before he reaches his target, after which he promises to do the whole thing in fancy dress! Knowing that this is a sight I would love to behold (he also promises photographic evidence!), I figured I'd plug his fundraising appeal on my blog... So here we are. Dig deep, guys!! ;-)

Dear Esteemed Friends and Family,

As you may know already, or might have heard from somebody else - I don't like walking. Or exercise in general.

And I particularly don't like walking in excess.

Such is the persuadability-factor that I have, though, for a group of young people, that I have been duped into leading (yea, leading) a sponsored 50-mile walk up the Grand Union Canal from Aylesbury to Northampton on the weekend of the 1st / 2nd March 2008, stopping only to sleep on the salubrious floor of a Milton Keynes Concrete Church.

I'll be walking alongside 12 teenagers and young adults, with my personal intention to raise £1500 to contribute to a life-changing experience for them. In July of this year (provided they've raised enough money), we'll be heading down under to Sydney to represent Northamptonshire, Bedfordshire and Buckinghamshire at the international 'World Youth Day' (which is actually a deceptive name, it being 2 weeks long), where they'll be meeting with over a million other young people from around the world. Here, they'll learn first-hand about what it's like to be from different cultures and different backgrounds, and we'll be leading them through a practical process to become positive advocates for change in their local communities back here in the UK.

As part of the social responsibility that we are exploring with them, they have opted to also give 10% of any money that you donate to a youth empowerment project in Eritrea - one of the poorest and most oppressed regimes in the world. We have a reliable local contact in Keren, Eritrea, who will be ensuring that the money we donate will go directly towards establishing sports and education projects within their diocese, giving young people there a new sense of dignity and interconnectedness. Young people in Eritrea would not be allowed to leave the country to go to something like World Youth Day, but we hope this would be a first step towards a partnering relationship and exchange programme between our UK young people and those in Keren.

I'd be most grateful if you would consider sponsoring me in my quest to support this really valuable and inspirational group of youngsters as they learn what it means to be citizens of the global community. If you would like to do so, you can donate online via my webpage at www.justgiving.com/mattvand, or alternatively, you can send a cheque (made payable to 'NYMO', unfortunately) to: 37 Hivings Park, Chesham, Bucks, HP5 2LF, where I'll be able to get in touch with you with a gift-aid declaration to complete if you pay tax in the UK.

As you will read on my page, if I exceed my target of £1500, I'll do the whole thing in fancy dress, and be sure to post photos for all my supporters to use as leverage in years to come...

Thanks for taking the time to give this some thought, and please don't feel under any obligation to donate - your sympathy and understanding of my pain is just as important!

Any questions or further queries, give me a shout - otherwise, I'll keep you posted in the run-up to (and fallout from) the weekend itself.

Yours, as ever,

Sporty-Matt

0 Meme from Therese

I was tagged by Therese over at the Aussie Coffee Shop... so here goes!


1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE ?
Contrary to popular belief, I was NOT named after a certain character in Star Wars (it is a completely different NAME, people!!!)... My mum's friend heard the name, liked it, passed it on.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
This evening

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Not hugely.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
That really nice ham from Super Valu in Dean's Grange!

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Nope.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Hmm. Maybe!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
All the time!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
After that abseil??? You've GOT to be kidding....

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
On occasion I would get cravings for Honey Loops.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
My shoes? Yes. My trainers? No!

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Not particularly, no... :-)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Without a doubt, Brennan's homemade ice cream!! But if I'm nowhere near there, then Dale Farm Raspberry Ripple.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Hmmmm.... I don't know!! :-s

15. RED OR PINK?
Red. Or, more accurately, NOT pink!

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?
The fact that I can get sooooo worked up about something so tiny and not be able to let it go for ages, even though I know it's silly in the grand scheme of things.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Usually Éamonn. Unless he's right in front of me! (Is that a bunny I can smell boiling in the background?!)

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
By pants, I am assuming you mean trousers!!! :-P Jeans... and no shoes at the moment.

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Tiramisu!

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The fan on my laptop

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Blue

22. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Éamonn's aftershave! And freshly baked bread buns... :-)

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Éamonn. (He's featuring a lot in this!)

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Sports?? HA!

25. HAIR COLOR?
That's debatable. ;-)

26. EYE COLOR?
Blue

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No

28. FAVORITE FOOD?
Hmm. At the minute I'm finding it very hard to decide between chocolate, strawberries (but not strawberries and chocolate together), my fiancé's homemade pizza, Mrs Hicks' sausages, and my future mother-in-law's bread buns. (Can you tell I'm on a diet right now?!?!)

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Terminal

31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Navy

32. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer

33. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both?

34. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Strawberry Pavlova

35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Second Glance by Jodi Picoult

36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My mouse

37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Charade. GREAT movie!

38. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
Ummmm..... ???

39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
The Beatles

40. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Melbourne

41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Not really

42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Northern Ireland


Okay, I tag Éamonn (as always! -- Though I'm reckoning he'll probably not get the chance to respond any time soon, so never worry about it!), Dana, and anyone else who feels like considering themselves tagged.

1 Especially for Carole... :-)

A Guide to Driving in Ireland


1. Indicators will give away your next move. A confident Irish driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because somebody else will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with LM, CN or KE plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the motorway.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ireland during rush hour.

8. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

9. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ireland is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert!

10. It is tradition in Ireland to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

11. Remember that the goal of every Irish driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

12. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

3 Another light bulb joke...

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE RUBBISH!!

IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

I'm sorry... what did you ask me?