Liturgical Anonymous

I don't know if any of you read the Curt Jester's blog... If you don't, you really should, it's hilarious! Anyway, I came across this on my travels, which really did make me 'LOL'... I've posted some parts of it below, but visit the site to read the whole thing.

Over the last century many support groups have arisen for substance abuse, alcohol abuse, and other addictions. But until now one much needed organization was missing. What about liturgiholics who abuse the liturgy? People drunk on power to change the liturgy in their parishes to their own visions divorced from liturgical history have had nowhere to turn to. That is until now.

Introducing Liturgical Anonymous (LA) an international, spiritually oriented community of liturgical abusers who meet in local groups to help each other end this destructive addiction to changing the liturgy as one wants. Liturgical Anonymous follows a 12 step program and not one of the steps are a dance step.

Once a liturgical change addict admits they have a problem they are ready for Liturgical Anonymous. My name is [Insert Name Here] and I am a liturgical abuser. Welcome you are on the road to recovery.

Many of our members also require help to throw off the vapidness of most modern liturgical music. Most find that a too rapid introduction to Gregorian Chant for instance is too much beauty to handle so quickly. Thus are program slowly weans them off of the music of Haugen-Daas with a drug equivalent of music Methadone. This drug with a high sugar content is slowly reduced over time to allow a tonal rearrangement in the subject. For priests we have a special program called "Seeing Red: Rubrics are your friends." With liturgical dancers we helped to teach them that the only acceptable dance at Mass is attendance.

Our headquarters for Liturgical Anonymous has a 24 hour hotline staffed by liturgical counselors. If you ever feel tempted to deviate from the norms give us a call and we will help you to overcome this temptation. Alcoholics can go cold turkey and avoid bars, but the liturgical abusers must learn to be attend the Mass with full, conscious and active prayerful participation without thinking how they would have done it different or how they would have redesigned the sanctuary.

Here are just some of the testimonial of successful members of Liturgical Anonymous:

I'm John [Last name withheld] the former clown altar server. I served at many Masses especially in the seventies. I saw no problem with it at the time and even served with priests also dresses as a clown. In Persona Bozo presented no theological difficulties for me. I thought I was just bringing joy to the people, I mean what could be wrong with that?

There is no disgrace in facing up to the fact that you have a liturgical abuse problem. So why not join now before some parishioners stage an intervention.

Remember "Friends don't let friends abuse liturgy."