If the Catholic Church was a programming language...

I just read this post on the Curt Jester on the question "What if the Catholic Church was a programming language?" After listing off a few others from a list he read (comparing C to Judaism, Java to Fundamendalist Christianity, C# to Mormonism, etc), here is what he has to say:

Now what would we call a programming language similar to the Catholic Church? How about C†† (pronounced C Cross Cross). Like St. Paul the Church teaches Christ crucified and the cross is never missing from our lives. The C of course stands for Catholic and the universal binary that the code produces. The universal binary is of course accessible by all operating systems. Though while we see the good that is common to many programming languages we hope that all will come to accept the fullness of C††. As programmers we don't want to be triumphalists, but to help to spread the good code to every nation.

The basics of the language C†† would be fixed. Though interfaces can be later added on that help to access the underlying language. The code structures would be based both on apostolic programming tradition and the reference book. The compiler also known as the magisterium would rely on the CDF (Coding for the Doctrine of the Flow) to ensure wayward code was corrected and brought back into fullness of the code specification. When bad code is detected the compiler would throw an anathema.

C†† would certainly be strongly typed. An object created yesterday or even a thousand years ago would remain exactly the same object today. Though this does not mean that we can not understand an object more deeply over time, only that an integer value will not become a string just because it is currently fashionable in the culture for this to be true. What is set to a state of true today remains true tomorrow. For example this is how you would set a true and a false value in C††.

boolean item = dogma;
boolean item2 = heresy;

Other keywords include Fashion (which can hold any value, but is not used for anything serious), Absolute (which holds one constant value that never changes), Discipline value can change over time based on a prudential decision), Hierarchy (An ordered data structure).

Multiple coding styles known as rites can be used to write the code. These rites though will all compile to exactly the same code whether using an Eastern or Western style. Some traditional programmers prefer to only program in Latin, but you can choose a vernacular language as long as you don't use and edition approved by ICEL in the seventies which does not give the full nuances of the keywords.

The reference for C†† would be maintained by the Vaticode. The head programmer/maintainer at the Vaticode is called His Geekiness and he has final say on the language definition and its interpretation. The Vicar of Code is infallible only when speaking on code and compilers. The Nerds in union with His Geekiness are the authentic teachers of the language. New definitions can be added to the language that conform to the reference and apostolic programmers. Sometimes a movement among programmers (geekus fidelum) can lead to the Vaticode adding a new definition.

Here is a sample "Hello World" program in C††

After all "Let there be light" was the original Hello World program by the Divine Programmer. Every C†† requires a "faith" method which is the main entry point to the program. Remember faith() without works() and your code is dead.

If only there was a programming language like the Catholic Church. Right now there are so many denominations of programming languages that keep splitting. Like C+ going into schism from C and then C++ going into schism from C+. I pray that there be but one language.

Nip on over to the Curt Jester to read the rest of the post, as the whole thing is well worth a read!